The Curse of Celebrity. And more about Michael Jackson, the subject that never dies....

Just a quick update everyone. Michael Jackson is still dead. Thankfully. Although for some reason no-one will shut up about him. C'mon guys, when he was alive you all thought he was a weirdo paedophile! You can't change your mind just 'cos he's dead. In fact, now would be the perfect time to admit you always thought he was a freak. He's dead, what's he going to do about it? People can say all they like about him "having his childhood stolen from him" (boo f*cking hoo) but he wasn't complaining about that when he was making millions of dollars on every record.

Celebrities are actually completely stupid, they do not seem to realise that the price for being able to go on daytime chat shows and spout their ludicrously inane opinions is that people want to know what knickers they're wearing and what food they throw in their dustbins. For all that they profess to be "really just normal people", they crave attention more than a fat kid craves chocolate. And to be honest, they make me sick (celebrities, not fat kids. Although I'm not really a fan of them either....). When will they realise that they can't have the world exactly as they want it, that every benefit has its downside?

That particular bitter rant was brought to you courtesy of My Overdraft (it deserves the capitalisation) , which is now growing at a rate usually associated with Chinese cities. Upsetting stuff.

In other news, I've just finished Steven King's "Gerald's Game", a novel featuring light bondage, a dead guy being eaten by a dog whilst his wife is handcuffed to the bed in the same room and a necrophiliac whose arms come down to his knees. Truly epic. Apparently, next on King's list of taboos to break is a man being eaten alive by his work colleagues to celebrate thanksgiving, which is actually based on the real life story of a Japanese body sushi (look it up) restaurant with a twist.

Song of the Day: Two Receivers - Klaxons. Guys, bring it down two octaves, then maybe people will be interested.

You've got the fear, but I've got the remote control for the bomb in your shoes

Instead of my usual pithy contributions on current political and media events, this one's going to be much more based around me. Seeing as how its my blog.... Now come friends, as we delve into the fetid depths of my psyche and compile a list of my fears for the summer/next year/the future.

• The weather continuing to flip between arid sunshine and tortuous rain, causing havoc for umbrella and suntan lotion salesmen everywhere. Until someone comes up with an umbrella that converts rain into suntan lotion, thus ensuring a continuous drizzle of white, creamy liquid onto the bearer of said umbrella, giving them an incredibly unfortunate appearance.
• Michael Jackson comes back from the dead, only to die again, leading to a second media blitz of unprecedented (except for his first death) and unwarranted magnitude. I still haven't forgiven him for dying 2 weeks before Bruno came out, denying us the unparalleled pleasure that would have been the extra 5 minutes of now deleted scenes. However, they could remake the Thriller video and it'd be far more realistic
  
• Football Manager 2010 never being released. A thought to make grown men weep like children
• Everyones' legs falling off simultaneously, leading to the establishment of a new ruling elite amongst gymnasts (the only people able to walk on their hands). Terrifying.
  

In other news....we've got an exchange girl coming from France, meaning (if every sitcom ever is to be believed), we are in for an hilarious week of pronunciation misunderstandings, and possibly even a few "cheese eating surrender monkeys" jokes. If we're lucky.

Song of the Day: You Held the World In Your Arms - Idlewild. If you ever have, literally, held the world in your arms, your arms are abnormally large. You MUST go and get that checked by a certified medical professional IMMEDIATELY.