Michael Jackson: Misunderstood? Probably not.

Michael Jackson is dead. I'll give you a few moments for that to sink in.




Calmed down enough to read? Now we can discuss what such a momentous event means for humanity as a whole. Obviously, anyone under the age of 16 is breathing a massive sigh of relief, and taking their shotguns from under the pillow and putting them back in the cupboard. People within hearing distance of the O2 arena are shouting for joy (I'm sorry Jacko fans, but he just isn't really that good. His most memorable stage event was having his 'fro set on fire as a kid). And everyone else is either shocked, unhappy, or not too bothered. And that about sums it up. Night.

What? You want more? Oh for f*cks sake its like half 11 at night. Fine.

Now, if someone says "Michael Jackson" to me, the first thought in my head is the episode of South Park featuring 'The Jeffersons', aka Jackson and his son Blanket. Its a brilliant episode, and i encourage everyone to watch it, having just had to watch the episode for "research purposes" (its a hard life). The second thought in my head is "I want food". And then I have many other thoughts, all at the same time, mostly involving accusations of paedophilia, high pitched squeaky singing, weird skin/housing issues and Thom Yorke, although as he appears in most of my thoughts (both waking and sleeping) its probably fair to discount him as irrelevant to the other three. Jackson was plagued throughout his later life with various child molestation charges, but not even I dare to make jokes about that (there's a high chance my mum will at some point read this blog, and who wants to have that conversation?). His singing, bringing to mind as it did 27 tiny mice jumping up and down on your eardrums, was a constant pain to me at primary school discos: y'know, the ones that instead of a bar had bottles of Panda Pop, and played the songs off of old Now 52 compilations, such that all the swear words were magically blanked out (which really ruined the Puddle of Mudd song "She hates me", instantly rendering about 20% of an already quite facile song meaningless).

But in all fairness to the guy, he lived in what was basically Disneyland. I mean come on. Who wouldn't give their right arm and one other random appendage to live in f*cking Disneyland? As George Best once said, "I spent a lot of my money on birds, booze and fast cars - the rest I just squandered". And that, ladies and gentlemen, is THE attitude to life. (George Best died in 2005, aged 59, after a liver transplant, of a kidney disease brought on by too much alcohol. Due to the number of Man United fans who might read this (2), I hesitate to use the word irony, but it is massively applicable).

Song of the Day: Beat It - Michael Jackson. The original 3rd word in this song title, "off", was dropped in 1993 after the first set of child molestation charges were brought against Jackson..... I am so sorry. I went through my (admittedly limited) collection of Michael Jackson looking for some lyrics to maliciously twist, and this was the least inappropriate joke I could find. Other examples included Thriller ("And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike"...that joke writes itself) and Black or White, which in light of his later skin colour issues, was strikingly foreboding.