You say party, We say "Oooh, go on then, but I'm not drinking and I have to be in bed by half ten"

Right at this very moment, the planet we are sitting on is whirling round a massive superheated ball of flaming gas at 65'000 miles per hour. Even if you are prostrate in a chair, can of Stella in hand, you are still moving further than most people will travel in their lifetime every hour. Just sit and think about that amazing fact for a moment. Or (more exciting option) move onto the next sentence. Its Comic Relief night, which means for once I actually have time to write a new post. Lucky you.

For those struggling with the new Facebook layout, relief comes in the form of news that you just don't have to spend the whole day sitting there waiting for your interminably boring "friends" to post updates on how their interminably boring day staring at Facebook waiting for their interminably boring friends to post updates is going. So just don't log in to Facebook, and instead spend your day doing things that your friends would be interested in hearing about, were you to log in to Facebook, which you won't be doing because you'll be busy doing things that your friends would be interested in hearing about were you to log into Facebook, which you won't be doing because.....

I'm so sorry. The amount of effort that has gone into this post was minimal. I actually just cut and pasted large swathes of the above paragraph. But then again, I'm not being paid for this. So if you've got a problem, just stop reading. Right here. Go back to Facebook and wait for your.... No. I'm not doing all this again. And besides, seeing as how this post will be going straight up on Facebook, it probably won't do me much good to go on about it much more.

Bloc Party Countdown: 6 months and 28 days until the headline "Mystery Fan impregnates popular London guitar band" hits all your favourite tabloids

Song of the day: Dog Days -Florence And The Machine. The Dog Days may be over, but as anyone who has looked one of these just a bit too clever for their own good creatures in their eyes before, the Horse Days are just beginning. To bastardise The Simpsons, may I be the first to welcome our new equine rulers into power.

P.S The title of this post, far from being a spurious, spur of the moment idea, is a meticulously crafted wordplay on the name of a popular Canadian 5-piece dance punk band. There's a lot of work that goes into this blog y'know.