Miley Cyrus, Superb*tch.

I've finally found someone more suited to my hatred than William Webb-Ellis (he invented Rugby): Miley Cyrus (If you didn't guess that from the title, now is probably the time to seek mental health advice). As you may or may not know, my obsession with Radiohead sometimes borders on the psychopathic. And to hear that this stupid little cow has decided to "ruin" them just made me... well, want to laugh really. To illustrate my point, I will compare Radiohead with "superstar" Miley to see who has really achieved more.

Radiohead: 5 platinum albums, mentioned by every band under the sun as "the band we aspire to be like", OK Computer is seen as one of if not the best album ever made, inspired people everywhere, and, in "There There", have possibly the greatest song ever.

Miley Cyrus: Shot to what can only laughably be called fame on the Disney Channel, dated one of those "so totally hardcore rockstars" the Jonas Brothers, has a father who sang country music for a living, and, perhaps worst of all, has been compared in musical style to Hilary Duff.

Cyrus' problem with Radiohead is that they refused to see her before their performance at the Grammy's, which was, by the way, amazing. Even Francesca, the most hardcore Radiohead hater I've ever met, admitted it. Strangely, it didn't seem to occur in what passes for her brain ("her" being, of course, Miley Cyrus, not Francesca, who is incredibly intelligent and definitely not holding a gun to my head) that they might have better things to do with their time than meet some 16 year old "celebrity" whose knowledge of Radiohead begins and ends with 'Creep'. Apparently, she was so upset at their rejection of her that she had to leave immediately, as she was "like, so totally upset and crying and stuff". And, she threatened to "ruin Radiohead", a sentence which should (and when i come to power, will) be instantly punishable my death.

If you think your stomach can handle the combination of pop bitch supreme, the most amazingly stupid DJs in history (choice quotes "Sex on Fire is, like, the most amazing song ever written" and "Who are Radiohead?") and some completely random 11-year old kid going on about how Miley Cyrus is "totally the coolest rock star ever", then I (with much weeping for the state of music today) point you in the direction of
http://www.prefixmag.com/news/miley-cyrus-kinda-hates-radiohead-audio/26644/

However, I do advise you to keep a bucket handy for when it gets to the bit about how Radiohead are "completely my favourite band ever" and how she would "like, quite literally, fall on my knees and cry" if she ever got to meet them.

Song of the day: There There - Radiohead. This song is written from the point of view of a man talking to a sociopathic tree, as evidenced by the line "Why so green and lonely?". But it is still absolutely sh*t hot.

You say party, We say "Oooh, go on then, but I'm not drinking and I have to be in bed by half ten"

Right at this very moment, the planet we are sitting on is whirling round a massive superheated ball of flaming gas at 65'000 miles per hour. Even if you are prostrate in a chair, can of Stella in hand, you are still moving further than most people will travel in their lifetime every hour. Just sit and think about that amazing fact for a moment. Or (more exciting option) move onto the next sentence. Its Comic Relief night, which means for once I actually have time to write a new post. Lucky you.

For those struggling with the new Facebook layout, relief comes in the form of news that you just don't have to spend the whole day sitting there waiting for your interminably boring "friends" to post updates on how their interminably boring day staring at Facebook waiting for their interminably boring friends to post updates is going. So just don't log in to Facebook, and instead spend your day doing things that your friends would be interested in hearing about, were you to log in to Facebook, which you won't be doing because you'll be busy doing things that your friends would be interested in hearing about were you to log into Facebook, which you won't be doing because.....

I'm so sorry. The amount of effort that has gone into this post was minimal. I actually just cut and pasted large swathes of the above paragraph. But then again, I'm not being paid for this. So if you've got a problem, just stop reading. Right here. Go back to Facebook and wait for your.... No. I'm not doing all this again. And besides, seeing as how this post will be going straight up on Facebook, it probably won't do me much good to go on about it much more.

Bloc Party Countdown: 6 months and 28 days until the headline "Mystery Fan impregnates popular London guitar band" hits all your favourite tabloids

Song of the day: Dog Days -Florence And The Machine. The Dog Days may be over, but as anyone who has looked one of these just a bit too clever for their own good creatures in their eyes before, the Horse Days are just beginning. To bastardise The Simpsons, may I be the first to welcome our new equine rulers into power.

P.S The title of this post, far from being a spurious, spur of the moment idea, is a meticulously crafted wordplay on the name of a popular Canadian 5-piece dance punk band. There's a lot of work that goes into this blog y'know.